Saint Valentine`s Day...

[Father V]

I originally intended this opinion piece to be a harsh criticism of the shameless commercialism of Valentine’s Day. I had wanted to show in detail how the holiday was taken over in the mid-1800s by a consortium of merchants and retailers in order to pray on the wallets of the lovelorn. Chances are though you know that story and if you don’t, you will eventually. Plus, for many of you, St. Valentine’s Day is a special day and I have no good reason to rain on your parade.

However, I am an ass by nature and I simply can’t let the day go by without casting some doubt on the illusion of the romantic event. I have always believed in the axiom that the truth shall set you free. But in my research for this, I have found that sometimes bewilderment can provide a good deal of freedom as well. So for those of you that await Feb. 14 with hopes of chocolates, flowers, teddy bears, jewelry and (for the fellas) reciprocation. I ask that you be aware your joy is the result of bad record keeping.

St. Valentine’s Day is the celebratory feast day of St. Valentine in the tradition of the Catholic Church. The celebration has been around for as long as there has been a church. Problem is, nobody was every really sure who St. Valentine was. It seems that St. Valentine was a very popular name way back when. So not only is there very limited information on St. Valentine, nobody knows how many St. Valentines there actually are.

There are two St. Valentine’s in the lore of the Roman Catholic Church that are referenced as  "The" St. Valentine, with both having feast days celebrated on Feb. 14. That was until 1969 when the church removed the date from its official calendar because there was no documentable history of the lives or miracles of either, nor could the church differentiate them from the scores of other St. Valentines that existed throughout history.

Legend says that both Valentines, the first being a third century Bishop of Terni and the other being a third century Christian priest in Rome were persecuted for their beliefs.  Both were beaten, stoned, tortured and eventually beheaded. Their saintly acts had to do with converting pagans, healings and maintaining their faith in the face of death. Love, romance and chocolate had nothing to do with their original persecution.

Fast forward to the 14th century and that most famed of English writers Geoffrey Chaucer, who wrote that St. Valentine’s day is the day on which birds choose their mates. I must admit, nothing gets me more in the mood for romance than a little bird-on-bird action.

There’s a bit of a problem though. Geoff was most likely referring to a feast day in May of another St. Valentine who was local to Genoa. Remember, birds don’t choose their mates in February, it’s a little too cold. Birds like to frolic in the warm weather of spring. Most of Europe, though, celebrated the Feast of St. Valentine’s on Feb. 14.

None-the-less, Geoff’s brief bit of poetry caught on in a European intellectual scene that was desperate for a little romance and love after dragging themselves out of the Dark Ages. Europe had been rather oppressed and depressed for a good thousand years and was itching for a little loving. However, it was still the Middle Ages and you just couldn’t go around spouting romantic pornography, no matter how subtle it was. This was back in the day when love making was for procreation purposes only, which is still the attitude of many politicians and savants.

Let’s be honest though... Sex sells. That is as true today as it was way back in the 15th century. If you were an aspiring writer at the brink of the renaissance looking to earn a little cash, you needed to appeal to a broad audience. Nothing appeals like a little naughtiness. Problem was though, being too naughty could get you burned at the stake, or beheaded, or drawn and quartered, or eviscerated or all of them together. Not a pleasant way to die, especially when you are just trying to provide a little entertainment and put some food on the table.

So how do you sell sex back in merry-old Europe without getting your head cut off ? Easy, attribute all that romance to a favorite saint of God. If Saint Valentine (whichever one, doesn’t really matter) is sexually celebrated by nature and nature is God’s creation... then ipso facto. God must be cool with a limited amount of hanky-panky in the middle of February. To be sure it stretches our willingness to belive or trust, but we are dealing with a world which was willing to burn people at the stake for saying the Earth revolved around the sun. There was a distinct lack of belief in most everything. Well that is except the Church. Or els...

As was stated earlier, there were a lot of St. Valentines. Because of this prolificacy, there were a lot of shrines built to him (them) throughout Europe and people celebrated his (their) life. St. Valentine wasn’t one of the big boys like St. Peter, St. Thomas or St. Augustine, but he was pretty well-known. It’s just that nobody really knew why they knew him, or even that there was more than one of him. Even the Holy Roman Church couldn’t say for sure who St. Valentine was, except that he (they) was a saint and that he (them) did saintly things.

And there is the loophole. The authors could make St. Valentine into whatever they wanted to cover their own butts.

Let me map it out a little more clearly. If you wanted to write about romance without losing your head (literally), you needed to connect it to God. The way you connected to God was through the saints. By attributing the blessings of courtly and romantic love to St. Valentine, you connected both to God. The church was in no position to refute that. The church could have said that St. Valentine had nothing to do with romance or love, but then it would have had to state emphatically why St. Valentine was so famous and the church simply didn’t know. Nobody ever bothered to write that down. By the time the church gave any real consideration to the mythic romanticism of Valentine’s Day, the legend was already firmly entrenched.

So, as you (hopefully) celebrate this Valentine’s Day with someone special, remember that truth and romance are not necessarily the best of friends. And please take a moment to give special thanks to St. Valentine (whichever, it doesn’t really matter)...

[Tommy T Cook, AKA The Gnome]

Mark, this story needs more sex!!  :)  I won't get into the religion thing, but will thank you for giving me more reason to doubt organized religion and continue with my non-traditional relationship with God, whomever she may be!  Thanks for sharing!!

[collette dotson]

i think valentines day is a market lol!  yes yes, I'm aware i don't sound much like the sweet tight lipped girl from all my other markings on this forum :) i agree 110% about selling w sex!  the only reason i participate in V-day is because it reminds me to c** away from the ordinary ... yes my spelling is correct :)  i personally think our society, mainly busy moms with hands covered in concrete, need to b reminded to attack their husbands when they walk in the door more often than on a sexy holiday, I VOTE FOR JUMP UR HUSBAND DAY recurring once a month!  Not because i don't find my husband sexy enough to rip his clothes off EVERY day, but because my daughters r climbing on my legs, and i took my 10 min break to close my eyes instead of do my hair and makeup and lose those really comfy sweats that allow for great play time crawling on the floor with my girls :)  I think vday is necessary for the people that get too busy but I think vday needs to come away from the market world and b reminded that its about the people u love and not about buying something :)  I think the sexier u make it, the more fun EVERYONE is going to have!!  I am far far away from organized religion so I can't even bring myself to comment!!  I was raised strict catholic, along with my husband... needless to say... we don't eat "fish" on fridays or follow others so I agree tommy :) Good read V :) 

[John]

well just to make this topical! I gave my wife a concrete top for her island for a valentines day gift.

[collette dotson]

now thats a vday gift!!!!!!  love the corner detail, is it just pretty or does it mean something to the two of u

[John]

My Daughter found the Geode at the local flee market.